kaikenlainen… from the non-delusional worthless

Page Thirty-nine

monday 15 dec 2008         Greenfield

Kaikenlainen …………..

1. I’ve waited, holed up again in the Greenfield “respite” house, another two weeks for my “protectors” (as described by Matthew months ago), to locate me somewhere. Just about all I’ve ever known about federal protection is that they locate you, you can’t choose the location on your own. Matthew knows I’ve been waiting for this for months — I told him very specifically more than once. If for some reason that’s not going to happen in my “protection,” wouldn’t it have been nice for him to have told me?

2. Words by Herbert Kretzmer, dedicated to my fourteen stolen:

                  There’s a grief that can’t be spoken.
                  There’s a pain goes on and on.
                  Empty chairs at empty tables,
                  Now my friends are dead and gone.
                  Oh my friends, my friends, forgive me,
                  that I live and you are gone.
                  There’s a grief that can’t be spoken,
                  there’s a pain goes on and on.
                  Oh my friends, my friends, don’t ask me
                  what your sacrifice was for.
                  Empty chairs at empty tables,
                  now my friends will meet no more.
                  Phantom faces at the window,
                  phantom shadows on the floor.
                  Empty chairs at empty tables,
                  now my friends will sing no more.


3. I can’t get to the Soulcast website today, where I have another blog. Cyberspace glitches happen. And annoy the bejeezus out of me, because I’m a technophobe anyway, and if I have to use the damned micro-chips, they can at least work right.

4. I went to the new James Bond movie yesterday, only because I like the title: Quantum of Solace. I myself don’t get even that much solace in this world of homelessness and familylessness that the DMH dumped me into, or in the world of being “protected” that Matthew and a gaggle of other people dumped me into.  What did I see in this film? A few things that were all too  familiar to me now, since March of this year, and when I started seeing them, they disgusted me to the degree that I knew I’d made a big mistake picking this movie. I had a private screening — no one else at all wanted to watch James Bond in that theatre yesterday. It was weird being the only one. I’ve never been the only one in a movie theater before.

Update 24 August 2009:  Nearer and nearer and nearer to Christmas, and still no home. How tired I was, mentally and physically. And still very, very angry, and very anxious; still waiting for the “protectors” to do for me what I believed they would do — in time for Christmas. Why, precisely, didn’t Mr. Lacoy, the “best” undercover guy, according to himself, ever tell me that I wasn’t going to be located anywhere?

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all photos, graphics, poems and text copyright 2008-2011 by anne nakis, unless otherwise stated. all rights reserved.


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