the same story, new thread…

Page Four

sat 31 may 2008       greenfield

First of all, I need to leave a message for someone.

bill said: what the hell IS this slumgullion?

If you are the curious type and want to go around reading messages you don’t understand, then follow Bill at these links: bill, billl, billll, billlll, billllll.


I’m interrupting my own narrative of the story of how the Department of Mental Health helped me, in order to start another thread. During my life as a bum (that the DMH has given me) I started writing a collection of poems about my animals, and the destruction of my life. I’d like them to be here in case of anything at all, and in the order in which I’ve written them. The collection has a title (Naked in Cold Space),  but the poems don’t, they just have numbers.

Number 1

                               What were my wrappings,
                               when I had them —
                            star-threads, moonrays
                               and such things,
                               and you.


                               Beautiful robes my ugly soul wore,
                               made of gentle-seeing eyes,
                        of trust and patience,
                              and that ineffable gold:
                              the knnowledge that you are
                        the axis of love.


                               So I was wrapped,
                               so I was blessed,
                               and I was moved to go on.

here to a poetry page

Update 24 July 2009:  the first thread I wanted in this blog last year was the way I’d been treated by the landlady, the mafia-chick and the social services who were supposed to help me. The second thread was the poems I was writing. Later there came a third thread, the things Matthew had told me. Matthew said the things he said, and I believed him. That may make me gullible, or it may make me dumb, if you judge Matthew to be a liar. But it does not make me delusional, and it never did. He and his colleagues are still here. What does this mean?


read…    Shadowpoems…   Mugsy’s book

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all photos, graphics, poems and text copyright 2008-2012 by anne nakis, unless otherwise stated. all rights reserved.




  1. ruthnoakes said,

    July 19, 2010 at 12:47 pm

    I was led here by your later post, ‘Wandering After Bill’ 2010, and must say that despite obviously not being Bill I am still very much interested in these snatches of code. I wonder, has Bill read read them? And if Bill had read them would you know ?

    As with all your writing, it makes the reader feel like much more than just a voyeur, the fact that your life’s stories are so real means even a complete stranger can engage.

  2. braon said,

    July 19, 2010 at 2:05 pm

    Thanks very much, Ruth. I am trying to make my website’s truths as immediate as possible, and to make the set-up itself of the site as interesting as can be done with no money to buy extra features.

    And… the messages are ABOUT Bill, but they are FOR someone else.

  3. November 5, 2010 at 4:26 am

    Ok so “Bill”…Bill is loaded with grief and burdened with meaning. BIll is pain and relief from pain. My grey tabby cat’s yellow kind eyes are BIll, Buddy Bill. My grey-eyed dead husband shouts. ‘bill’ to me each evening as I penetrate the sleep shroud that knows no breath. Who can be bill for me now? Maybe my own pain will be named Bill.

  4. braon said,

    November 6, 2010 at 3:03 pm

    Yes, Paulette, we each have a Bill to wander around after. My Bill is much more elusive and harder to pin down than yours. But I understand your need for your Bill to still be here… The language of your comment is poetic. It’s a truth that many don’t want to accept: pain evokes the poet in us.

  5. PaulettePostMiller said,

    November 14, 2010 at 12:17 am

    Thanks for the words. It helps to share the pain though. Your words are healing even though they come from pain. How does that work?

  6. braon said,

    November 17, 2010 at 4:36 pm

    Paulette: I don’t KNOW how it works, but I’ve been told similar things about my writing before. Babs says it has something to do with connections made between the writer and the reader, and some readers connect with some writers, and others with others.

    • PaulettePostMiller said,

      November 24, 2010 at 8:31 pm

      Another holiday, holyday, shmoliday; no normalcy in sight. Last thanksgiving I postponed the pain…I took off, celebrated elsewhere. Now here we are sitting in this topsy-turvy house with all the ingredients and no real thanks in our hearts. Just grudges and bitterness. Wanting to get past the holiday schmoliday stuff and live the rest of the year. Then hobble off to the elevensies!

  7. braon said,

    November 25, 2010 at 12:39 am

    You just left this today, Paulette, and it’s only by sheer accident that I found it. I had no plans to come to this blog today…. Do I need to say that these holidays without both my human family and my animal family are times of misery that I’m not very good at describing? So I know what kind of pain you’re talking about.

    • PaulettePostMiller said,

      December 2, 2010 at 10:52 pm

      Cold, that’s it: just cold. Numbness again that penetrates the shell of everything. Too poor to turn the heat on. Too sad to try to dredge up the energy to go out and drive around and find someone to share the misery with. Listening to the words of a carol…”a child shivers in the cold…” He’s not the only shiverer. The cat brings in a small living creature that he shares with the others… it skitters along in the relative warmth of the house. It is 30 degrees outside only a few degrees warmer inside. Always something to be thankful for. Mostly that I’m not that small toyed with creature…or am I.

  8. braon said,

    December 2, 2010 at 11:36 pm

    Paulette: don’t you qualify for fuel assistance, or don’t they have that in your state? You could write me an email, you know. As for being toyed with, well, you’ll have to consult your beliefs for the answer to that. You and I wouldn’t come up with the same answer.

    • PaulettePostMiller said,

      December 9, 2010 at 12:00 am

      I make too much money to get heat assistance. Forget the fact that I pay over 2000 a month for princi(pal) or is it (ple) Interest and taxes on this place. I am not able to with conscience turn the heat on for 4,000 square feet of space when I am the only one here to use it all. Haha!

      I do have 4 cats and 2 dogs who huddle around me in my chair with the comforter around me. Today there is relief however it is 65 or 70 outside! Yeah!

  9. braon said,

    December 9, 2010 at 12:09 am

    Paulette: Well here in MA I believe they deduct mortgage and other expenses from your gross. But you could turn on the heat if you WANTED to? I thought E. was living with you.

  10. PaulettePostMiller said,

    January 6, 2011 at 11:55 pm

    At last my internet is working again…and my phone…it was out of order from
    the 16th to the 30th of Dec! Verizon is incompetent?
    My son Justin is getting married in April to a really nice person.
    They spent Christmas with me. Amy Joel and my granddaughter willow were here for my bday and new years day. the holidays were waaay better than I expected that theyd be. Plus, though the roommate who wasnt paying me very much is moving out another person is moving in who is able to pay at least to share the expenses! Yeah!
    There’s still room for you!

  11. braon said,

    January 24, 2011 at 11:31 am

    Paulette…. I’m not seeing your 6 Jan comment until the 24th. Sorry. Haven’t come to this blog too much lately. I’m glad your holidays were better than you thought they’d be, but I can’t report the same thing here.

  12. PaulettePostMiller said,

    February 5, 2011 at 6:01 pm

    I think I actually have a blog somewhere on WordPress…I am responding to this blog because I get notice through my gmail when a comment is posted. Weather is better here… not so much Brrr. I got a bunch of warm clothes two weeks ago and then the weather changed! The new person moved in, she is working 3 jobs! One of them is a vet’s assistant! That is nice since the cats and dogs need a good vet. The new person (Stacie) has two cats a dog and a parrot! I wish you and I lived closer so that I could see you once in awhile!

  13. braon said,

    February 7, 2011 at 12:39 am

    Paulette… It’s fine, I guess, to leave your news bites on this blog, although emails might suit better. But maybe if you choose a different POST within this blog for a while… this Same Story’s getting a bit crowded. Mugsy’s Book might be a good place, as I go there fairly regularly to write. I don’t come too much to the rest of Braon, as I’m pretty much finished with it.

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